+ emotions +

People walk on by,
In which does my future lie?
You have come, you have gone,
My imperfections you've adorned.
Now that I have quit dreaming,
Love becomes a distant thing

I've decided. To let go completely. I pretend to be nonchalant about everything, but there was no fooling myself. I do feel very much for you. Attempts to divert my focus didn't work, what I diverted to was actually just more of you. "Well the ex Is a very difficult person to get over" kept sounding in my head as if to wake me up. It was from a third party. I don't have to hear what you have to say then, since someone not involved in the relationship could tell me that.

I would never be seen in the same way as he would by you. Not that I want to be compared in a side-to-side comparison chart. But it's just not possible for me to have you smile from inside your heart. You were a catalyst. I gained drive, gained courage, gained lots of laughter and happiness from you. That is deeply appreciated. So even if the real reason is not the distance between Singapore and London, it's alright. It would've been hurtful to me if you were too direct.

I've lost my dignity, I've lost my pride before. And I've also lost respect from some people. But I don't want to lose all the credit you've given me. Which is why I have to force myself, to pull myself out of this. Because I have been pounding stress onto myself, and the last thing that I want to do is to totally lose control in front of you.

It has indeed been a great pleasure knowing you. Honest. It was a short time, there was no dating. but yet I felt a great affinity to you. You're a gem. It's just that I'm not the jeweller who is able to polish you up.

There is something that I've been (and still) working on that is supposed to be given to you. I'll see if it's possible to pass to you before your return to London.

And don't worry. Happiness will find you. All the best, you have a very very bright future.

Time for me to take a break. I need an overhaul.